you jumped off the boat kicking the waves with a bare foot trying to find a shore .. while me on-board! that's what you thought! FYI I jumped off too searching every wave trying to save you! darling there is no boat .. never was! the boat is you & me .. the boat is us!
Bits n Bytes put together
Dear Tamer,
so because I am not a patient reader (which is why I never read an ongoing book series) I decided to read everything you posted again and again. Somehow trying to discover things I have not got to analyze yet. Instead, I ended up creating whole stories in my mind about how those words can be used in dramatic moments on screen. It happened that I got to go to the theatre often lately and seeing those old pieces alive on stage again blew my mind even more. I started digging into how to end certain pieces differently. Yeah, my creativity had other plans: I wrote a text in response to yours inspired by yours but not as perfect as yours cause the context is a bit different. Anyways since you are a huge-little part of this story of “genesis” I decided to share it with you. Don´t feel committed to answering feel free to switch positions with me and be the silent reader… I´ll keep being the sincere one until I hear from you again in this life or the next 😉
long story long 🙂 here comes my humble masterpiece (applause please):
My Blue Rose
He was gone.
And his absence means a word,
a sentence,
a whiff of nothingness
that divided the “us” into a “him” and “me”
And thus, through the mid particularly me.
Sometimes love simply leaves
and we cannot follow it
without knowing where it gets lost
cause I don´t wanna add a disappointment to the list.
And so, I walk straight ahead.
straight ahead there was always you,
calling me, like you always do
but whatever I might do
In the end, I can only watch you,
stunned,
begging you not to leave,
feeling the lump in my throat,
feeding the distance between us.
And you have the key to me
in your hands
but you turn the lock twice
and, as if this is not enough,
you pull another wall out of the floor
and silence occupies me.
Me, or the rest of a “me”,
tempted in a soap bubble of the past
tormented by bittersweet memories of security,
am tearing apart between two isles of you and “me”.
And as another tear crept down my cheek,
I wondered if this could possibly fill your void.
But now, here I am,
playing the Piano,
a self-composed piece
with no motive and motion
a picture of the new me.
But with a spark of hope
I catch myself rummaging,
wanting to find something
that gives this end a meaning
and me a new ceiling
to stare at
while watching this hope disappearing.
And it dies
this head is blocked
those eyes are shut
and the memories,
they are adorned
by a crown of thorns.
Dear SR,
looks like my work is under your magnifying glass : ) as flattered as I am. You’ve got a super-active imagination, I give you that .. which makes the most interesting yet unpredictable outcomes. Imagination has always been the good friend of every piece of art, of every invention too.
I would have loved to address you by your name but as of now I don’t have one ; )
I’m really flattered you decided to share the product of your imagination with me here.
.. and I would like you to hear from me in this life before the next ; )
It’s quite impressive what you have written!
I find it perfect as long as it’s true & it’s a collaborative work of your mind & heart. Every piece of art is perfect on its own .. comparisons do not apply here ; )
I raise my hat .. I applaud .. and I encourage you to write even more. I’ll always be glad to read your writings. And I’m truly honored if you see some inspiration in my work.
I won’t go into detailed analysis of your words but I like very much the pictures you draw in the context of emotions. I hope you’re doing great & not in a dark place like this piece might suggest. Those dark moments are part of life & sooner or later they go away. Writing about them helps sometimes & later you would be glad you embraced such moments with such intense thoughts & feelings, if any.
my dear sincere reader .. my warm greetings all the way to wherever you are!
All my very best!
Tamer
Dear Tamer,
today was a pretty good day and I am a bit out of concept, so please excuse possible ramblings and possibly too long reply!
I hope you don´t feel stalked because I often mention that I analyze your blog every now and then.
What I precisely mean is: looking at it through different eyes and trying to find more possible meanings in what you write.
And this brings me to what exactly I meant by saying these pieces on stage and your blog moved something in me:
I did not go through any of the things I wrote about.
Nevertheless, I think the feelings I had while writing those words were real. I tried to see things from the perspective of this someone who is seeing his / her beloved one leaving the “them” or this boat. I truly felt the loneliness, darkness and sadness go through my thoughts and feelings.
At the same time, I was sometimes able to create a distance between me “in” the situation and my thoughts about the situation. This gave me the opportunity to keep an overview of all feelings that a person might be going through and write about them my way.
So in the end maybe I was feeling those things but they were most importantly created by my Imagination and I was caught in the rush of making something of that imaginary nothing? Does that even make sense? It was like crying in the cinema when a character dies in the movie. kind of.
I don´t know if I would have been able to write about such a thing if it was really me that went through it. I always thought I am the closed-up type if it comes to true intense feelings, even if I have to say maybe I have to think about this again. Maybe that´s what I was always told I´d be and I just accepted it at some point.
However, don´t mind being a harsh critic! I´d be honoured to be advised by someone like you!
You are right art is not comparable but there will always be “the role model” in the eyes of a beginner, just like Destojowski was for Nitzsche 😉
I hope you do not regret saying you´d like to read more of my writings already… As I said today I am in the mood for being peaceful to my soul which makes me a babbling communicator…
The thing with my name (I did not know that you cannot see my e-mail address. You can´t right?) I think it is interesting to talk to people without knowing their names of each other. Not only because I, myself, am really bad with noticing names, but also because I liked giving people names and descriptions that I think most fit the image of that person that pops up in my mind at first, once I think about her/him. This time I´ll switch positions with you, for now. I don´t know how long I can keep a “secret” (usually I am really good at it if I intend to).
I am not good at greetings so I´ll just say good night!
still a sincere reader
Dear SR,
Not at all .. no stalking whatsoever : ) I clearly said as flattered as I am. It’s the whole idea I created this blog for & made some of my writings public. If you can relate to something or be moved by some words, that’s when sharing makes sense at all.
.. and I’m glad you haven’t experienced those dark emotions. And I totally get what you mean by living the idea with your imagination without necessarily living it really .. and I agree, being touched by a movie or a play is the closest picture to that.
Sometimes being a “closed-up” person motivates & enriches your active imagination further. The less words that run on your tongue, the more your imagination fires up.
I’m extremely flattered with your words .. and we have a deal. If I have something to say about your writings, you will know. I’m not in the favor of “criticizing” any creative work. Any product of mind & heart tells a story .. even with imperfections, that’s what gives art of any form a taste. Picasso is a good example of that.
.. and I won’t regret that ; )
As a matter of fact I see your email address, but you know that’s not a reliable source of guesses. I would say my first guess is “Rinada” .. yet if you like to have it anonymous, I have nothing against that ; )
I wish you a nice weekend ahead, “dear sincere reader”!
All my best!
Tamer